Monster
by Samstruck
Summary: Inspired by the song 'Monster' by Imagine Dragons. Set in Season 5, no matter how much he tries to blend in...seem normal, Sam never seems to get that... and hearing Dean call him a monster just add fuel to the fire, to the fear,and to the darkness inside him... and in the end, no matter how much it kills him...he accepts it...he's a monster...


Monster…

_Thanks Varsha for beta'ing this ficlet! _

_Disclaimer: Sam, Dean and Supernatural belong to the overlord Kripke! Though I'd love to steal 'em!_

_**Ever since I could remember,**__**  
**__**Everything inside of me,**__**  
**__**Just wanted to fit in**__**  
**__**I was never one for pretenders,**__**  
**__**Everything I tried to be,**__**  
**__**Just wouldn't settle in**_

As it turned out, the harder I try to fit in, to make myself seem normal, the more of an outcast I turn out to be. There's always this pricking voice inside my heart that tells me that I can never hide what I am but I figured it wouldn't hurt to give it a try… to hide and pretend to be normal… hoping that if I believed that lie enough, it would become the truth. But I was wrong…it does hurt… I have had only the right intentions in mind…want to do something that will help this world and not hurt it…and every time I try, I slip down the wrong slope instead…and every slip just leads me to a darker pit, a pit that tries to pull me in…tries to swallow me whole and never lets go… I try to slide my way past the darkness…I really do… But it never seems to go away, not completely… Always there at the tiniest corner of my being… And that's what scares me because I don't seem to be able to escape it…no matter how hard I try…

_**If I told you what I was,**__**  
**__**Would you turn your back on me?**__**  
**__**And if I seem dangerous,**__**  
**__**Would you be scared?**__**  
**__**I get the feeling just because,**__**  
**__**Everything I touch isn't dark enough**__**  
**__**If this problem lies in me**_

I'm drowning…

I can feel the darkness that's in me and it seems to grow darker by the minute… And every time I lose a part of me to this evil, a sinking fear settles in my heart… The fear of Dean's reaction to my failure… I'm afraid…afraid that he'd be disgusted with what I'm becoming… I'm scared that he'll turn his back on me and I'll be all alone in my battle against the evil inside me… And I know that I can't do this without him…Can't go on… I can't do this alone because he's my strength…he's my reason for fighting…for resisting… …Because he's the reason I want to stay strong and fight and not just give in to the darkness… But in the events that followed my letting Lucifer out of the cage I saw something in his eyes that I never wanted to see…Something that makes me feel so sick that all I wanted to do was to curl up and never wake up… I saw fear in his eyes… And that wasn't a fear for me, something that I was so used to seeing whenever I got hurt in anyway… no…it was his fear towards me… That fear ripped a part of my soul out…a part that wouldn't ever be replaced… because I've been trying my best to not let the darkness engulf me and make me so dangerous that my big brother, my hero would fear me… but it looks like I haven't been trying hard enough… and so I've failed…failed so bad… The full force of what I'm doing to my only family while I leave a trail of dead loved ones behind, finally hits me… I break everything I touch… And our lives are proof enough for that…Now I know that my family wasn't cursed…but I am… and I dragged them down with me…I doomed them all…

_**I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,**__**  
**__**I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.**__**  
**__**A monster, a monster,**__**  
**__**I've turned into a monster,**__**  
**__**A monster, a monster,**__**  
**__**And it keeps getting stronger.**_

Dean was my hope…my light…and now I see that light starting to fade…I see his faith in me start to waver…start to die… And no matter how much it crushes me…no matter how much I try to run, hide and fight it, Dean was right…

I am a monster…

-The End-

_So this was just a one shot inspired by the song 'Monster' by Imagine Dragons which Holy Crap!, is so true when it comes to Sam! I swear they're Supernatural fans and this seems like a song that Sam is singing to Dean so…_

_Reviews=Love!_

_~Samstruck! _


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